I love being a mom but sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out to be one.
I love my daughter more than anything, but she tests me in ways I never imagined.
I’m not usually home in the mornings when my daughter has school but on this particular day I was, and she was exhausted and CRANKY! She didn’t like the shirt I picked, I didn’t give her enough toothpaste for her toothbrush, and she refused to wear the shoes I selected. My husband was running late and her unwillingness to cooperate pushed us both over the edge. For 20 minutes she screamed and cried. My husband and I both had to strap her into her car seat because she refused to leave for school.
Have you ever felt traumatized by your kid’s meltdowns? That’s exactly how I felt after she left for school. My body was numb, and I was sick to my stomach wondering “What the hell just happened?” I tried not to think about it, but when my husband called 10 minutes later because he couldn’t remember the password to sign our daughter into school, I couldn’t shake the events of earlier.
I thought tantrums and meltdowns would slowly come to an end once she turned four. While they are less frequent, the intensity of them is worse now than when she was three. She gets worked up she can’t calm down, and it’s unbearable. It makes me sad we can’t make the situation better for her.
Unfortunately, my husband and I don’t have a lot of patience because we are tired between work, and everything else in life and it makes me wonder, “If I can’t handle her at four, how will I survive the teenage years?”
While I have a few friends who will open up about how awful their child acts, most sugar coat and pretend they have the best kid ever, heck maybe they do. However, I just want to scream to everyone, “Cut the bullshit and give it to me straight, your kid is an asshole, and I want every detail.” I feel like I sometimes feel like I’m on an island by myself. I’m thankful for the few who have opened up to me and reassure me her behavior is normal.
I’ve never felt so uncertain about anything, and I continually reflect if I’ve done something that’s caused her to act this way. I have cried because she misbehaves and I can’t control her. When I picked her up from school, I started to cry, and she told me she loved me and wanted to give me a hug and kiss to make me feel better. I know there is a sweet kid in there, and eventually, this phase will end, and I will have my precious girl.
When I picked her up from school, I started to cry, and she told me she loved me and wanted to give me a hug and kiss to make me feel better. I know there is a sweet kid in there, and eventually, this phase will end, and I will have my precious girl back but until then the struggle continues.
When she is acting like a jerk, and I’m questioning my parenting abilities all I want for someone to hug me and tell me, it’s all going to be okay and that I’m a great mom.